NO, YOU ACTUALLY GIVE A DAMN ABOUT IT

Photocredit: Dreamstime.com

You know how sometimes we like to pretend that stuff doesn’t get to us?

No, I’m not talking about getting a rejection email or not being promoted like everyone else. I’m not even talking about not being noticed by somebody you like. Well, this last one hurts. Sorry if that’s you.

I’m talking about having issues in your personal relationships.

Wait, did you just say “here, we go again?”. Heck, yes! Here we go again.

I’m writing this for two reasons.

Firstly, I’m feeling bad (you can guess why but I’ll tell you. Meanwhile, if you don’t know why YOU are feeling bad, check out one of my posts titled Why you feel bad all the time). So, I’m feeling bad because I’m having little issues with a family member.

Secondly, I’m writing to help you if you’re at this point or for when you get to this point (because you will get here some time. Nope, it’s not a curse. You’re a human sharing earth with other humans).

A friend will often tell me,” Stop talking to the public about your problems because they don’t care”. I know. But I, ME, I care. I care that you’ll get to where I am or have already been through it without knowing what I know. Or maybe you’ve forgotten.

Back to the original point.

You care! I know you care that you’re having problems in your personal relationships. Now, any relationship can become as personal as we let it so let me specify. You care when you have issues with family. I mean family family. You know, blood family? Okay, mum, dad, brother, sister kinda family.

So, maybe it’s their fault. Maybe you didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe they’ve said some very hurtful things to you. really hurtful. Now, you’re not exactly on talking terms and you think you don’t give two cents about it, right? Stop lying joor. You actually care.

I know because you think about it and feel bad.

You wonder what you could have done or said to avoid the situation

You wish and hope they’re hurting too because that would mean that they care too and it means you care too. get it?

Am I right or wrong?

I want you to do something right now. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Open them and admit to yourself that you care and you don’t like it.

That’s how to solve problems. identification.

If you’re wondering why I’m here giving you advice instead of solving my own problems, chill out a bit. I’m working on my own issues. At least, I’m bold enough to admit that I care that somebody is giving me attitude and I don’t want things to remain like that.

Have I told you that having a great relationship with your family helps you face the society? Charity begins at home baby, but it doesn’t end there. So, in other words… Wait.. I’m getting confused.

Aha! (Forget that charity adage.) What I want to say is that you’re better equipped to face other people and relate well with them if things are good at home.

So, you’ve admitted it? Good. You’re brave. It doesn’t make you a weak person. No. you’re strong enough to admit that you’re uncomfortable with conflict.

What do you do about it? Know what? I’ll write about this only after I’ve taken the steps I’d want to give you. I’m going to fix the issue I have with my family member and then I’ll come back and tell you how it went and what to do. But if you can’t wait and would want to know what to do, send me an email or a DM or something.

Here’s my id on Instagram: @ada_thelmaa. Double A at the end.

Is there something you’d like to say about family issues or personal relationship issues? Let me know in the comment section. Honestly, I’d love to hear from you.

Please share so others can benefit. Trust me many people are in this boat. Muaahh!

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WHY YOU FEEL BAD ALL THE TIME

Wow! Do you really feel bad or you are just a curious cat? 

Well, you're here now,  right?  Let's get to it.

People get sad everyday and feel bad and frustrated.  Many of these people just wallow in their sadness without even bothering to know why.  Next thing you know,  they're depressed.  That's another game altogether.  So these could be some of the reasons why you feel bad all the time. 

1. You're broke.  Smile or laugh.  Say "duuhh" if you want but it's true.  When you don't have money to get the things you need and want,  you'll feel very bad.  Happiness is tied to material things (joy isn't though). Material things are necessary for comfort and these things are gotten with money.  So check your pocket.  Your sadness and could be because the bills are missing from your wallet. 

2. You have dysfunctional relationships: This is the big apple.  You may want to live in denial and act like nothing ruffles your clothes.  But you know the truth.  Humans are social animals.  When the relationships you have suck or let's say,  things aren't going between you and your family or your bestie or even a colleague at work,  it would make you feel bad. Many times,  it may start as a small disagreement with grudges that are swept under the carpet.  If it goes on without being resolved,  you'll have a big bulge of restlessness. Should we talk about a couple going through rough times?  It's so not happy-ish.  So,  ask yourself if you've had a fall-out with anyone at all, even if it's the lady that cleans your office. 

3. You are at a crossroad of sorts concerning something important: Okay.  Let me explain. Sometime back, I had to make a big decision. It involved my course of study in the University. Being very analytic,  I was confused and torn on what to do because the course I was offered admission to study was not in any way appealing.  Anyway,  long story short,  I didn't know what to do and it made me sad almost all the time. So,  again, think and know if there's any decision you need to make that you're confused about.  At least,  counsel and advice could help in this case. 

4. LOW SELF ESTEEM: Yes.  This is a major cause of sadness.  Seeing as I don't have a degree in Behavioural/Clinical psychology, I can't really explain the dynamics. I just know that when you feel and think less of yourself,  it makes you very sad.  You feel like you're not important and not needed or wanted by people around.  Everything and everyone makes you feel like toilet paper. Trust me guys,  it's a bad place to be in. People who have this problem often need professional help.  And it doesn't mean that any other thing is surely wrong with this person.  It just means they've been exposed to a lot of unhealthy situations and people and information. Do you have low self esteem?  You're prone to severe depression if you do. 

Well,  I hope this has helped you put a finger on why you feel bad all the time or what may be dragging you by the feet into depression. If there's anything I've left out, I'll talk about it in the next post. 

Have anything to contribute?  Let's talk in the comment section. 

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ON PEDOPHILIA AND SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE by Ikenna Echewodo Chinyeaka

The issue of Pedophilia  has been on the desk for quite some time now and it is astonishing to hear and see that society wants to consider it acceptable. There are certain things that remain wrong no matter how many consider it normal.  We can't go along with the mainstream on everything especially on pedophilia.  Well,  that's if they are trying to say it is not wrong in every sense of the word.  Let's see what what an embittered  graduate of Law has to say about it.

"Because I know some of the people who can view my social media posts probably have secret pedophilic affinities and urges, let me make it clear that if I hear any of you abused a child, I'll put my feet to the ground and make sure you get the punishment you totally deserve.

It's totally embarrassing to know that even now, some persons are pushing advocacy for the integration of pedophiles into the LGBTQ+ community and it is worse, living with the fear that the international community feels there's a discussion to be had on the issue.

It is true that there's been a heated debate across the world over the extent of liberalism and liberation that can be afforded individuals with respect to sexual orientations and while I think it is well within individual rights for persons to exercise sexual franchise in a wide array of inclinations, it is implausible and absolutely unjustifiable to say that sexual exploitation of any sort should be allowed.

This is very basic and I know a lot of you are aware but I'll still explain for the sake of directional clarity.

The dynamics of power-play are very crucial and often regulated in a lot of circumstances and that's why activities like insider trading that guarantees asymmetry of business information is morally and legally wrong in a lot of instances. The reason for this is that it unfairly tips the balance in favour of one party over the other.

How does this seemingly far fetched example fit into the framework of the conversation on pedophiles, you may ask? Sexual abuse and exploitation.
On the one hand, it is trite in psychology and other behavioural sciences that children cannot validly give consent to certain activities because they either do not fully grasp the implications such activities may bode for them even where it is thoroughly explained and again, because even if they do which is of course rarely the case, they are not physically and mentally psyched for indulgence as this may irreparably hurt them and skew their growth process.
Essentially, the point is that children can't give consent on certain occasions and even if they can, they can't live with the consequences.
I am yet to see anyone successfully argue against and be taken seriously with the contentions in the last slide especially as it borders on sexual capacity.
Knowing how this may harm children, the biggest thing pedophiles bring to the table is the age long justification of having a biological imperative to be sexually attracted to children and this doesn't cut it for me nor should it cut it for anyone.
Why? I'll explain.
Much in the same way we don't take rapists seriously when they claim to have been tempted or even more befittingly, kleptomaniacs when they can show a psychological dimension to being incapable of keeping their hands to themselves, we should never use the argument of biological imperatives to justify clear instances of exploitation and abuse because then it would mean that the brazenness of human nature would be free to run amok unchecked and apologists would always have a strong defence in their arsenal.
We can't justify everything like that.
If you truly can't control yourself against children, maybe it's time to plan a long holiday to a psychiatric facility because honestly, you're a danger to society and we are not obligated to tolerate you.
We've been putting mad people away for ages for being mad, I'm not sure there'll be a problem with quarantining persons who have presented a severe case of psychological imbalance if it helps us protect vulnerable groups like children.
Thank you."

While there are conflicting issues on what is right and what is not,  we should not hesitate to remember to fight for what is human/humane.

If you have questions for the writer,  direct them to his facebook page @Ikenna Echewodo Chinyeaka.
You can drop your comments too.

Ikenna Echewodo Chinyeaka is a Human Rights activist who just graduated from the University of Calabar as a Law student.  He hopes to and is actively engaged in bringing social change through debating and public speaking.

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WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A WRITER

Greetings, my fellow ink addicts!

How's it in the word pit these days?  A lot of people think its really cool to introduce yourself and be like "...and I write too". Some would see you as an artsy person,  you know,  very cool and all.  Others would say you're just lazy and boring.  Can somebody be a witness or am I the only weirdo here? 🙄🤓
Well,  for those who don't understand what it means or feels like to be a writer,  let me tell them what we go through behind the scenes.

1. Writers get inspired by the smallest and oddest things: Well,  if you have or have had a writer friend,  you can relate.  You know that moment when you're both doing something or talking about something and the person just stops and looks at you,  maybe smiles and tells you that you're brilliant  and that they've just gotten an idea for some inking? Yeah. ✌ That's us.  I've done it to my friends too many times to count. Even food inspires me.  Rain inspires me.  A child running around in nothing but faded panties inspires me.  Okay,  let me stop else this would turn to a poem😁

2. The temptation or problem of working on many different ideas at once: Can I get another witness? Don't lie,  you guys😑
I mean all you writers out there. You might be in the middle of a beautiful story and the ending or a line begins to take you to new places😁 Kai!  And fiam! Faster than the snap of two fingers,  you open a new word document. Many times,  the look of a blank page is so appealing,  it's strange. Sometimes,  you get three different story ideas at once and you start all at once.  The worst is when you're dealing with these and you get a new prompt for a contest and none of the stories match the theme🙄🙄 This is a real struggle, I tell you.  Seest thou a writer who can finish a story/work before going to another,  he shall stand before...

3. We are our biggest critics: Before we push our work to our editors or post it on our blogs or facebook pages,  we read it again and an uneasiness settles like puddles in our stomachs.  We begin to ask if our readers would like our work and all and...sighs!  That sort of thing.  Writers are humans too and many of us have that tinge of perfectionism when it comes to our work.  We have to keep it real though.

4.Writer's block is our own illness: I've never met a writer who hasn't been blocked before.  Many of us stay 'ill' for long. For some,  it stays for years. It's something no writer prays for but life can just be sinister at times and inject this dreadful disease into our systems.  But we are more than conquerors through him who loved and loves us,  right?  And who loves the writer if not the reader? 😀😁😘 We love you too.  Just pray well that we all don't get blocked at once one day,  else... 🙄😌

Well...
I've tried now,  haven't I? These are some of the things that come with being a writer. Tell your writer friends to confirm or confirm these points.😌 If you think I left anything out,  tell me in the comment section.  You know I love to hear from you,  right?  I do!
Come on!  Say something 😀

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Diary of a lazy writer 3

Dear diary,
I looked and I saw that truth hurts.

I have so much to say all at once.  I'm so overwhelmed even as I write this.
Diary,  there are so many things that are important in life.  Someone might opine that everything is important to different persons.  Let me just rant.

So I didn't go to school today because I went to pay my tuition fee.  I ended up talking to a certain wise man.  He shot arrows of truth at me.  I was furious at first because I felt like he was condemning me, judging me.  At intervals,  the mini-me inside would concur with what he said. At some points,  mini me ran around the labyrinth of my heart,  my brain,  searching for excuses and people to blame for the misfortune I'm in.  You see,  some times,  many times,  people do not condemn or judge us,  it's the knowledge, awareness that they speak the truth that makes us condemn ourselves.  We then turn around again and want to blame the person for judging us.
Man is easily steered to irresponsibility.

I feel bad right now.  I feel bad lots of times.  I'm not a sad person.  I just...  Have a lot of shortcomings and it's not easy facing them and taking responsibility.
Brian Tracy in his book,  No Excuses,  said that the first step to becoming disciplined is to take responsibility for everything we do.
Well,  that's what I'm doing.
Usually,  I wouldn't write these things here but who knows,  maybe redemption has other people to visit and perhaps,  these words will lead the way.

I feel really bad.

I can't even begin to trace the origin of my carelessness.  But here are some things,  areas I messed up in.
¤ Association.  You are who you hang out with.  I got careless here.  Not like I started hanging out with the ones we would call riff-raffs,  no.  But I guess I started hanging out with people who had gotten too careless too.
¤ Information : because I write,  I exposed my mind to really dangerous stuff.  Not porn,  no.  But there are worse things than porn.  For me,  anything  that can destabilize the mind,  that can shake our convictions is dangerous.  I let in too much.
Here's a lesson.  Knowledge is good but you should only know so much.  Take in what you can process at your level.  Again,  censor the kind of knowledge you take in.  All things are lawful but not all things are expedient.  Say word!
¤Discipline: I probably shouldn't list this separately but the reason I started this diary in the first place-with its captionis because I became undisciplined.  I actually became lazy.

As an aside,  a part of me is thinking of how this post might draw traffic but truth is that I don't care!  I'm hurt.

I'll talk more about this later.  Let me start salvaging what I can.  I've got to gather with brethren.

Yours in pain,
Me.

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Diary of a Lazy Writer 2

Sunday, 17th June,  2018.

Dear diary, 

How art thou?  Me?  Yo soy bueno. Yo soy Caliente! 😀😀😀 I hope I got it.  I just remembered that from years ago. One girl that was claiming to teach me Spanish online sha.  I just hope I haven't insulted somebody's mother.  It's been a while,  I know.  You can dub me Sir Laziness,  knight of the kingdom of lazy writers.  Oh pardon me.  I'm hungry.  #yawns. 

The past week was so unfruitful,  to say the least.  I don't know if I was in a conscious coma or something.  It felt like someone was remote-controlling my body while I watched from somewhere. I just couldn't get myself to do anything productive.  Kai.  I think... Whoa!  No thinking for now.  It's raining cats and stones here...

I'm sleepy. 

So this is what I learned this week. 

* We should appreciate the seemingly little things because they make up the big things. 

* Being in a dark place isn't so bad.  That's where we learn what to do in the light, what the light means. Only bad thing is when you overstay in the dark.  I pray you understand me.
*If you can avoid being in a dark place,  please do.  The light is a better place,  always. 

*Laziness is bad, very bad! 

I'm sleepy. 

Maybe I should stop here before I write something stupid. I promise I'd write you again,  soon. 

Good night for now.

Yours specially, 

Me. 

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BLACK ALBINO by Ada Thelma

Skin of colour,
Eyes that shame the pendulum's dance.
So they call you that paradox that was never destined to be understood.

Black albino;
Skin the colour of rich brown earth,
Eyes that move to and fro
Like demons on patrol.
They see your colour and wonder if it's paint.
They call you albino;colourless
And they put a black robe on it.

They say the eyes are the window of the soul
And maybe they've seen a dichotomy difficult to understand
Because they've decided to drink the sweet mead of ignorance.
So you smile and let them exist with volatile  understanding.
While you exist in a nature that defies natural

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Diary of a lazy writer 1

Sunday,  27th May, 2018.

Dear diary,

How are you?  I'm not fine.  Okay,  maybe I'm fine.  I don't know.  Happy Sunday by the way. I feel bad right now.😖  I know.  I know.🙄 You think I'm always feeling bad.  But that's not true.  Remember my laughing sprees? Lol.  You don't want to meet me there.  I literally roll on the floor in laughter.  Whatever sha.
So today went by like that. I can't say I achieved anything.  I washed some clothes and cooked jollof rice with those little pieces of stockfish my mum packed for me. I can proudly say I've mastered the art of preparing proper jollof rice.  Hehehehe. 😆😊😊
Diary,  I'm scared.  We were taught about relevance today in church.  Well,  that wasn't the topic but that's what I gleaned from the message. Every time,  I feel like I'm just one of the many people oxygen is being wasted on.  What have I given?   I've checked my facebook countless times today and people are just starting up stuff everywhere. Yes,  I know I shouldn't compare o but hmm...  I cannot be 'dulling' o.
Wait sef.  I feel lost.  Honestly,  I don't even know what to write anymore.  I haven't posted anything on the blog for days now.  I have three unfinished works on my table.  God help me!!!

There's nobody to complain to.  I've read about discipline and I've seen myself wearing the cloak so well. It's been a while since I last wore it sha. I can't find it. I think something came in through the back door and stole it from me.  Now I have to wear my old garment of laziness.  That same garment that makes me feel naked.  This is not me!

I'm smart.  I'm strong.  I'm sweet.  I'm your typical superwoman...  #tongue out.
I most certainly do not feel that way.
I've been thinking a lot lately.  Well,  all the time.  I need to get out of this place.  But it feels like my legs are broken.
How did I get here?
I have a line-up of contests to enter. I think the fuse in my brain is blown.  Somebody call the electrician!

I want to write.  I've been writing but I keep abandoning them.  I need a 'writinvention'.

And just like that.  I've wasted precious ink complaining.  Let me go and read my school books abeg.  I have a test on Thursday.
Wish me luck.

Yours in love,
Me.

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